With Extra Mustard, Hold The Disease

Some days I really wish I hadn't read the news.

Ann Fisher, the executive director of the AIDS Legal Council of Chicago, estimates that there are 100,000 U.S. food service workers with the illness.

Holy fuck. What, now I have to worry about getting the HIV when the foodservice worker spits in my brocolli cheese soup ? Yeah I know the virus probably isn't transmitted through saliva, but still. At least I'm not a cop and don't receive such treatment regularly.

When I read this, I started digging up statistics on how many people are employed in the country, what percentage of them work in foodservice, and the number of people in the country living with the HIV. The numbers tell us that 5.2% of the American workforce is employed in the foodservice industry, who make up wholly 10% of the Americans that are HIV+. From this I can only jump to the conclusion that frequently handling food causes AIDS. I recommend avoiding food at all costs.

"If everybody with HIV who works in the food service industry didn't show up for work tomorrow, America would starve," she said.

Thanks for the sensationalism. Yes, it will go down in history as The Great American Fast Food Famine. Millions of American citizens dying outside McDonalds because they couldn't get their supersized value meal.