August 2008 Archives

No, I don't mean we should outsource the presidency to a foreign land like a tech support call center.  I mean it just came to my attention that Paris Hilton is running as an independent.

Here is her announcement, in poolside video form.  (I'm so glad they don't all do it this way.)

Hilton's platform is one of energy reform, retribution, and vanity.  And the last one is the kicker: vote for her because she says she's hot.

Well.. that and the celebrity status could be all she needs to win by a landslide.

Think about how you vote for local elections.  You can't judge with any accuracy who would be the best candidate for vice commissioner of the Adopt-a-Highway program, so you just pick any name that sounds vaguely familiar.  For most people this voting technique goes all the way up to the Senator level.  For a sizable portion of the population it probably extends even to the Executive office.

That's why I think a huge number of people would be marking their ballots like this:



Don't believe me ?  How do you think Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected to be the governator of California ?  Did the people of LA know that he was any more qualified than the other candidates ?  I guarantee you the majority of voters saw the name of a famous actor and based their decision on name-recognition alone.  It was a lucky coincidence that he was (and still is) an outstandingly appropriate person for the job.

My point is: we don't require any sort of competency exam for participating in elections.  You might say the greatest strength of democracy is also its greatest weakness.

Enjoy the White (err, Pink) House, Paris.  I just hope we're not all watering our plants with Brawndo in a few years.

Of course I know the video was a joke.  Stop it.  And the arrogance here is tongue-in-cheek; I'm not qualified to vote, either.

Unless you've been living on Mars, you probably know by now that the NASA Phoenix rover found water on Mars recently.  Then again, if you're living on Mars, you probably already knew this.  Or if you didn't, you must have brought your own water with you, which would have been a smart move. 

You'll remember that when Phoenix first landed, photos of the first dig revealed something that looked a lot like ice, which sublimed by the time the next photos were received.  This was pretty good evidence of water, but nobody was willing to start planning their next fishing trip to Mars based on that alone.

Then last week, Phoenix was able to scoop up a couple centimeters of Martian regolith and process it in its specially-modified Easy Bake oven for analysis.  What it found was even more exciting than just the presence of H2O; Phoenix revealed that the dirt it was sniffing and tasting was remarkably similar to what we have on Earth, at least around Antarctica.  The alkalinity of the Martian soil would be well suited for growing asparagus and turnips, both of which are pretty darn good, but I don't think either would qualify as comfort-foods if you were away on a long vacation to Mars.

But wait, there's more: the Martian soil is also very appropriate for supporting a whole host of bacteria, which, just maybe, already lives there.  See, this is slightly more interesting than the plant thing because we're pretty sure no fields of asparagus currently exist on Mars.

But wait, there's even more: NASA is currently briefing the White House on an important new discovery--something even more provocative than the discovery of water or familiar dirt on Mars.

What could it be ?  Tiny green men that whisper advice into your ear and vanish at annoyingly inconvenient moments ?  Robots that want to push (or shove) you down the stairs ?

We can't be sure yet.  But just in case, I'm having signs printed that say "I, for one, welcome our new Martian overlords."